the best laid schemes

One of the hardest things for me to accept is how little control over something I have. I am the type of person who has a plan for everything. When I went to Europe with my best friend for three weeks I had our time planned out to the day. I knew the train schedules, ferry times, the various museums and things, etc. We had reservations for every single hostel months and months before the trip. We had a great time and saved a ton of money because we did things very economically and we had a plan.

Not everyone is like this. Some people can step off of the plane and just go, without any sort of forethought and nothing holding them back. I am not this person. Sometimes I envy this person.

The reason I’m writing about all of this because my future seems so uncertain right now, which is amusing because it’s not at all uncertain. I’ll be in Los Angeles in about 25 days. My parents (or parent, depending on whether someone turns the government back on) will unload me and I’ll start trying to get a job. And then, life. That’s my life. I will be figuring things out as I go. There’s no way to plan, not much more control I can exert. It’s absolutely frightening, and sort of exhilarating. I’m excited and scared. I can’t stop smiling and I have nightmares. For a long time it’s felt like I was waiting for my life to start. I guess it’s finally going to.

I’m ready.



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