surviving versus thriving

It’s funny. I think I was expecting myself to be more disappointed in Los Angeles than I am. Like I was prepping myself to hate it, and in this way giving myself a little protective coat so that if I did dislike it, well. I was ready. I knew it would be like that. No big surprise. I can always move to Europe.

Here’s the thing, though. I don’t hate it. I actually really like it. Sure, there’s way too many people. I don’t know that I ever really comprehended there could be this many people existing around me before. And yes, they drive like maniacs. They give me funny looks when I say “yes ma’am” and “no sir”. A “y’all” slipped out the other day and the customer I was speaking to looked at me like I’d lost my mind. But still, I see so much potential here.

At this moment though, it’s all potential. I feel stuck. I’m still dealing with things that happened because of the wreck, and it definitely pushed me back a good month from the track I was on. It’s also just so. dang. EXPENSIVE here. I mean, I knew that. Everyone knows that. Los Angeles ain’t cheap. There is a difference between knowing and experiencing. There’s also a difference between surviving and thriving. Right now, I’m surviving. And even that is iffy. Here’s the thing, I don’t want to survive here. If I’m just going to live somewhere to work and pay off my loans and figure out the next step in my life, it sure as heck isn’t going to be Los Angeles. It wouldn’t be California. It likely wouldn’t even be the US.

That’s not why I’m here. I’m here to act. To audition. To fully pursue this desire I have. To thrive. It’s sad, but right now all I can do is hold on and hope I get to that point soon. Stresses happen for everyone, and sometimes you just have to buckle down and survive the storm.